that green thing

oh hi there.

It’s been a while. Watch me not being able to write a single word and then yap (type more like) within the space of 10 minutes and hitting the publish button. The creative burn out is real. Life burnout is real. Something has shifted during covid the ability to get back into “normal” or whatever that is life, feels impossible. Especially as a creative.

After a 12 hour sleep (I was up till 4am trying to figure out a kimono pattern ok don’t judge me) I made coffee and dived into watching the karat videos from the people I’m subscribed on YouTube, it brings me comfort. I hate sitting in silence. And suddenly I got the urge to edit, shoot or you guessed it, write. And the more I sat with that feeling the more annoyed I got. After looking back into my words I use to write and outfits I use to share it has really pissed me off the fact that Covid, trust issues, paranoia and betrayal is at the core of me stopping sharing what I loved for over a decade.

It’s still. So so silly. Online has helped me connect with the best people, do things I’d otherwise would never do. I started blogging originally to get somewhere where I wanted to be. And after sitting with it for a minute I’ve noticed that I am still in a very similar place I was 7 years ago. BUT. One huge difference is the loneliness isn’t all that consuming. Longing for London isn’t eating me up from inside out. I got closure that the place that I’ll always see as home may never end up the final destination. And lowkey I don’t want it to be.

What would mean what I’ve got now would be over. And I’ve got so so so much. Yeah sure maybe the days of going by press days and fashion week are over (FOR NOW) but I am surrounded by the most amazing people. No longer I try to make plans with people in other cities because people near me, make sure I don’t get bored or lonely. They understand me, help me thrive, teach me and care for me. And yes the sadness and anxiety and the chronic emptiness is still there. But thanks to therapy (never thought I’d say it) I channel those things into creating. Last year all of that energy went into my course and sewing. And now I’m finally yearning for sharing my silly little outfits and thoughts online again.

Which is quite nice actually. Even if blogging is very much dead (RIP) but I never started doing this for other people. As you can tell these photos are outdated. I don’t even own this skirt anymore. But I’d 100% wear something similar. Chain harnesses and jewellery became a staple in the last 5 years and I’ve got even more things to share featuring them so I hope it won’t be boring. But in the last 5 years I haven’t gotten bored, I’d say I got more inspired. Hopefully you will do.

Peace x

Cape – Killstar || Corset Skirt – Disturbia || Mesh Top – Bershka || Shoes– TUK || Harness + Necklaces – Scarlet in Chains || Choker – Depop (I think, it’s been a minute)