that green thing

I love how I said I miss blogs and then just dipped! 😭 for over a month.

I could give you a A4 page of reasons aka excuses why that has been the case but I won’t since this is suppose to be a silly little hobby that has been mortised few years ago making it not so little silly hobby anymore but a silly little part time job which ✨makes me stressed. ✨ ™️

and. that. shouldn’t? be? the? point?

unless I am missing something.

But I’m pretty sure I couldn’t be stressed to the point of tears and panic when it comes to hobbies right?

I mean I’ll do it anyway because I care deeply (maybe too much?!) about any sort of self expressive thing that I do.

Ofc I still enjoy it and ironiclly stress makes me even better performer.

i don’t know if it’s because anxiety is like a permanent state for me or because this is simply life that i have to live.

Which is crazy because stuff like talking over the phone is among those things that make me anxious but the fear that should occur when crossing the road without looking for cars that could pass by is just not there.

I read that it’s a common side effect of trauma.

And that’s totally understable, I mean it does make sense. which doesn’t mean it’s not making it a little silly.

But hey, new year, new me? or more like putting those resolutions or goals as I like to call them to action. Trust me. I’m the first one to moan about not doing my hobbies but guess who’s standing in the way of them? You guessed it. So this year I will make sure to get sometime to do those, even if it adds to my already busy schedule. I mean who doesn’t like evening read instead of morning read.

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