that green thing

Since, I’ve posted something other than rants or memes on my Twitter feed that is. 

This past October I’ve “celebrated” having my blog for 9 years… and by celebrated I mean forgot about it and binged watched Dynasty on Netflix instead. 

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I honestly think that I’ve reached my peak at 19. You know when life had meaning? I’m kidding! But I do think I’ve reached my peak back then. Despite whatever pressures and stuff that was happeing in my life, and there was a lot, I’ve still somehow managed to do stuff, both to fulfil my passions and career goals. At least at the time. 

Now it takes me 5-7 business days to reply to a message from a friend. And that’s on a good week. Forget about doing the stuff that I could count as something benefiting my future. I got to work, do my thing, come back home, eat, watch youtube video or two and usually somewhere in between that I’ll snooze for few hours before actually getting some proper sleep. Even if it’s at 2am. 

I’m not going to lie, I’m so blaming huge part of my creative and emotional burn out on the pandemic. It’s hard to be productive and wanting to invest in your future when part of you thinks you have none and other part is concentrating on surviving and looking forward to another day. It’s not a new phenomenon in my mindset, it’s actually as long as I can remember. I just don’t share that part of me online publicly because as my mother once said to me “No one likes sad people”. Well, I do. I’d take a sad person under my wind over someone who’s full of toxic positive energy. Sad people are real. Not that happy people aren’t but I cannot relate to them nor do I believe I can be real with them. 

But I think the last two years of this pandemic has had some sort of effect on all of us on one way or another. And maybe not in a bad way. I’m currently writing this sat in a coffee shop in London. While people watching, getting lost in my thoughts and enjoying my overpriced coffee, breathing the highly polluted air. I’m greatful for that simple thing. Because for almost a year I was too scared and paranoid to do that. I’m still bit paranoid but I’ve missed London way too much. And for me this play is always going to be home. Nothing can compare. Ever. 

Also this outfit has nothing to do with London, it wasn’t even shot in London. But we all know I have way more content and photos to post than thoughts. So enjoy this content and thoughts dumb I guess.

I think there’s more to come. Till then x

Hat – ASOS // Jacket – Primark // Top – Bravado* (gift) // Jeans – Boohoo // Shoes – TUK // Pins – Punky Pins* (gift)